she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
