Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
You smell like stripper and shame
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
