If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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