I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
