is your mom at the bar?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
