I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
