She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
