If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
