I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
