Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
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