Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Randomize
