bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
