im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
