If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
