Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
