The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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