I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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