if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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