I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Randomize
