Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
