ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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