Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
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