im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
