that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
