one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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