I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
