Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
