I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I wish my penis had an off switch
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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