My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
