let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
