Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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