I heard we made out
You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
