you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
