So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
