you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
