I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
