god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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