wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
