I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
