i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
