I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
