I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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