i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We had to coat check the pizza.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
