Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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