we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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