dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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