theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
