I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
