put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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