i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
