I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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