oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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