Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
