I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
