so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
