Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
