You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
