I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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