the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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