I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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