Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
