It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
